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Stars and Snowflakes

Freedom

All of my fantasies
Require me
To be small.
That’s controversial.
I don’t care.
I won’t be my downfall.

I’m sick of circles
Looping on
How I’m supposed to feel.
This time alone
Has helped me to discover
What is real
And what’s been planted in me
From every angle
Every side.
Everyone has lied.

I want to be how I imagine.
That isn’t wrong.
I want to see and feel the freedom
I was meant for all along.

Foundation

This time is a trial
To prove what we can do
Force us into hard decisions
To see if we pull through

It’s not so easy
To expect a better day
Our lives can only satisfy us
If we built them up that way

We can’t brave the waves and fire
Can’t have the lives we planned
If we built our homes on ice
And relationships in sand

Moon

This moon,
The one I was born beneath,
Is washing me clean
And setting me free.

Tonight
I bid farewell to my history,
To those who hurt me,
Including me.
I’m finally,
Finally ready
To be better,
To be myself again,
The deeper, truer self
I haven’t been.

Memories

I didn’t burn the bridges;
They were never there.

More delusions I created
Out of misty air

I waited; I looked for you;
You didn’t care.

I’m too old for this
Carelessness.
I know better
Than to wait for you
To want me, too.

You’re yet another thing
To leave behind.

I don’t want these
Memories
Floating around.
Can I burn them down?

Lessons

I am a child of Spring.
When I was a child,
Summer taught me
How to be alone.

Summer burned my fantasies
Of friends I thought I knew,
Family I longed to talk to
Who didn’t want me,
So I didn’t want me.

I spent years
Brokenhearted,
Disappointed,
Distraught
That I
Was all that I got,

So I fought
To feel connection,
Bonds of friendship,
Even more.
They left me
Disappointed
And more lonely than before.

I’ve stolen time from me
In pursuit of
Futile fantasy,
But somehow
I’m so much closer
To the truth.

I am mine.
I have me.
I know nothing
And no one
More intimately.

I am my favorite discovery.
I’ve learned to be alone with me
In brighter ways
On rainy April days.

Give and Take

I couldn’t
Meet you halfway
All or nothing.

I couldn’t
Meet you halfway
Tell me something:

If I had
Met you halfway
Would that be it?

Or would you take
Take
Everything that you could get?

Two-of-a-kind

Two roads
To Fame
Or Infamy,
Paved
Fantastically,
Delusions
Woven
With Concrete.

The Roads converge
In time
Despite the path
Down which you stray.
You reach the end
Scattered
Shattered
Either way.

Echoes

Echoes of words
Echoes of people
Imagining who we might be.
They spoke in dreams and songs and stories
Of the world they longed to see.

We’ve made some progress to be proud of
Even though we’ve stayed the same.
Echoes of words
Echoes of people
Are what we all became.

Sand

I thought it could feed me
Instead it filled me
With empty weight

I thought it could lead me
To lifelong purpose
And meaning I’d create

I thought it could hold me
Steady and stable
With warmth for each cold day

Yet all it told me
Was I was alone
Before slipping away

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